Side Note

As I read my "Results" post, it is more evident how much this hurts.  Every month my hope diminishes little by little.  I don't want to sound like "Debbie Downer", but I do want to be honest.  I'm so tired of trying to have a good attitude.  To be optimistic.  I know that the Lord sees the big picture and that He has a plan for us.  I am just not good at hoping for something to change when I become more convinced that it won't with every passing cycle.  Is this lack of faith?  How do I grieve while trusting Him?  How can I hope with I am so sad?

New Day, Same Old Story

Well, I have been reluctant to post or to even tell people closest to me that the surgery did not fix the problem.  I had a text written and the recipients filled in and couldn't send the text because I did not want to hear their attempts to console me.  Please hear that I do appreciate their efforts and prayers.  However, I wouldn't know what to say to me so how will they?  For goodness sakes, the doctor doesn't really know what is wrong with me.  That is not too encouraging.  I hate the moment where a friend or family member asks how things are going, (obviously wondering about baby stuff) and I have to tell them that there is no progress.  It hurts to have to say it out loud.  It hurts to be reminded of my inability to accomplish the "simple" task of procreation.  And it hurts to see the look on their faces as they have pity on me and search for encouraging things to say.  To some, this may sound very selfish. "At least they are asking," you might say.  Yes, I appreciate that they care and that they want the best for me.  I love these people.  They are the people that love me the most and that I love the most.  So, it makes it all the more difficult to not talk about it.  Therefore, since my readers are mainly the "people" I'm referring to, please forgive me for not discussing this with your in a more personal way.  Please wait until I bring it up when I see you in person.  And please understand if the conversation is short and sweet.  

I love you all.  I can't wait to see you and hug your neck.